The Day I Decided to Talk About My Hair
The Unwise Mom’s funny take on the mom bun. Real-life parenting humor meets 5 hair product must-haves, from dry shampoo to texture spray, for moms who want to look “put together-ish.”
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You know that scene in Legally Blonde 2 where Elle Woods stands in front of the House of Representatives, giving this emotional, world-changing speech, and then you realize she’s talking about her hair?
That’s me today. Except instead of Congress, it’s you. Probably in leggings, with a half-drunk cup of coffee nearby, wondering if that weird crayon mark on the wall is permanent.
We, the moms, do a lot. We survive tantrums, Target runs, 2 a.m. fevers, and Paw Patrol marathons. But nothing says “I’m in survival mode but still vaguely functional” quite like the mom bun. It’s our crown, our comfort zone, our default setting. And while I love my chaotic top knot as much as I love my kid’s unsolicited “art,” sometimes I want it to look just a little more intentional.
Like, I may be exhausted, but I still have standards.
So here it is: my Elle Woods moment. The speech that starts like it’s about motherhood, resilience, and identity—and ends with, well, hair.
The Mom Bun Manifesto: My Top 5 Holy Grail Products
These are the things that make my bun look less like “house arrest” and more like “effortless cool mom who definitely remembered picture day.”
1. Dry Shampoo That Deserves a Medal
👉 Batiste Original Dry Shampoo
Because who has time to wash their hair every day? This one’s my ride-or-die. It gives lift, hides oil, and revives the soul.
Pro tip: Flip your head over, spray your roots, and pretend you’ve slept eight hours.
2. The Secret Weapon: Bun Inserts
👉 Hair Bun Shaper Set
A miracle for the “I tried but didn’t” aesthetic. Pick your bun size, pop it in, twist, and suddenly you’re giving “clean girl core” instead of “running-late-again energy.”
3. The Elastic Upgrade You Didn’t Know You Needed
👉 Invisibobble Hair Rings
No dents, no pain, no hair breakage. They hold like a toddler’s grudge and still somehow look cute on your wrist.
4. The Hair Oil That Saves You From Yourself
👉 Verb Ghost Oil
Frizz? Gone. Ends? Shiny. Smell? Subtly amazing. I use one pump and instantly look like I tried harder than I did.
5. The Mom-Bun Finisher: Texture & Hold Spray
👉 Not Your Mother’s Beach Babe Texturizing Spray
It’s the difference between “slightly greasy ponytail” and “intentionally undone bun.” Adds volume, grit, and “I woke up like this” confidence. Plus, you can pretend you went to the beach when let's be honest, we haven't had a beachside vacay in YEARS.
The Real Moral of the Story
Motherhood teaches us a lot. Patience. Multitasking. How to function on zero sleep. But if there’s one universal truth, it’s this: sometimes, feeling a tiny bit put-together starts with your hair.
Here’s to the buns that hold it all together—the messy ones, the polished ones, and the ones we redo three times before preschool drop-off. Because sometimes self-care looks less like a spa day and more like finally finding the right dry shampoo.